“Put him in me book!”
BRYCE ON TOLERANCE
During the 1952 classic movie, “The Quiet Man” (starring John Wayne), the antagonist is played by Victor McLaglen as Squire “Red” Will Danaher, a boisterous Irishman who tries to intimidate people through his physical presence. If you crossed him, you were placed on his “List,” which was maintained in a little black book by his assistant. If someone was placed on “The List” the Squire would not socialize or do business with that person until, through some miraculous stroke of fate, the person redeemed himself. I think we all have some sort of list we maintain. I know I do.
There are unscrupulous people I simply do not want anything to do with, not even to shake their hand. If I know someone has committed some indiscretion or injustice, be it to myself or someone else I respect, I put them on “The List.” Translation: I want nothing to do with them. As for me, I have come across such people not only in business but also in the various organizations I belong to. Frankly, I have no time for someone who wishes to undermine people for political gamesmanship, or to line their pockets through treachery.
I know of a person who was unfairly suspended by a fraternal order even after 50 years of service. He was a person I held in high regard. He may have been prone to coarse language now and then, but he was a good person and you could take his word to the bank. Unfortunately, there was a rush to judgment by the powers of the order and he was never allowed to defend himself of the suspicious charges. Other members of the order wouldn’t come to his defense as they were in fear of being penalized themselves. Cowards. Consequently, he was suspended indefinitely. There are a lot of people in that order I have put on my list, and will not shake their hand. That was five years ago. Some people have said to me, “Tim, why don’t you just let it go? This cannot go on forever.” I replied, “What if that had been you? Would you have wanted me to just let it go?” They looked back at me blankly.
Shaking of a person’s hand is very symbolic. It means you like them and trust their judgement to do the right thing. Not shaking someone’s hand may seem innocuous, but try it sometime. By not shaking the person’s hand you are are saying, “I do not trust you as a person; you are on The List.”
For some reason, I have several restaurants on my list, a few with prominent national names. A couple of them are highbrow, some are franchises, and others are just simple restaurants. I placed them on my “List” either because the food or service was bad (or both), or there was some other faux pas made, such as an obnoxious hostess, waiter, or manager. I would give you the names of the restaurants in question, but that is immaterial at this time. Suffice it to say, they did something which earned them a prominent spot on my list. Some people suggest I am being too stubborn, that I should give them another chance. I tried this a couple of times and lived to regret it. They were still screw-ups and I regretted revisiting their establishment. Consequently, once they had been rightfully placed on my “List,” they stay there until such time as an act of God occurs, which is usually never.
Maybe we’re too tolerant and forgiving of an injustice. People seem to “forgive and forget” too easily. I believe this to be a serious flaw in the American character. I’m not sure everyone should maintain a “List,” but I would certainly like to see people develop a better memory of indiscretions. Maybe we wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes so often if we did.
Keep the Faith!
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Tim Bryce is a writer and the Managing Director of M&JB Investment Company (M&JB) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has over 30 years of experience in the management consulting field. He can be reached at timb001@phmainstreet.com
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Copyright © 2013 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.
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of all the things i have read from you—–this hits closer to home for me than any thing—-i refused to shake hands with one of the cops that help hhave me expelled—20 minutes later—same cop comes by—snicker–ron you still riding your motorcycle—w. m. of jasper lodge comes by 5 minutes later–snicker—ron you still riding your bike==cowards is all i can say=as you say no im not going to let my expelling go—what a lot of masons dont know–this all stimed from 500 dollars missing in the treasure of lodge no. 21 of jasper—led to grand lodge—then because of a few of them that did not like some of my friends–decided to help expell me—this will be finished when in dead and only then—im not going to let the grand lodge of ark or jasper lodge of ark==cheat me out of 20 years of faithfull service to masonry—recive hard earned money of mine through crooked lies and politics—-refuse me a fair trial–ect ect ect—im not going away—i owe this to my self
Oh you speak to my soul there! I am forgiving to a fault. If I am driven to a point when I say, “No more second chances!” I still wind up doing it anyway because the past second chances created a different dependency with someone else and fulfilling that declaration at that moment would also affect that innocent by-stander.
I guess I just seek peace. We all do I think. I just wish others would redefine “peace” to include not taking things that were earned by others.
brother warner–dont realy understand all your saying—-but for me–im not looking for a second chance –not to prove who took money out of the treasury of my lodge—for i all ready know–my lodge knows–grand lodge of ark. knows..cops took it out with the help of the treasurer and secretairy–but hide it from the lodge members because it broke bylaws-i dont want a secont chance to be a legal mason of ark..if they offered me a full pardon–i would tell them to go to hell—as far as innocent by-standers—i dont see any mason as an innicent by-stander—-you ether go by the by laws and your othes or you dont—our by-laws say–a black person can join our lodges..our bylaws tell what we are suppose to do in offices–our othes tell us to follow our bible othes—why else would we kiss the holy bible? as far as peace—throwing out good masons of masonry–causing the shriners to drop masonry–refusing to allow blacks to joine arkansas masonry—nope there is not going to be much peace in masonry not in arkansas–hope you dont think im ragging on you brother warner–im not–i dont even know you—except you being a mason–and you may very well agree with me on this